For the time being.

Tired, hurt, lost and depressed.

Preventing myself from being happy even for a minute,

Setting my emotions aside is a bad decision,

Yet i continue to feel less and no one is stopping me from making a commotion.

Consumed by love and it's all coming tragic

Solitary life and my hand stays gripped.

My eyes are open but unable to see.

Been through a lot, I'm still missing and that i can never descry,

Effects are made, but i don't think it's worth it,

Nothing feels okay, everything is turning.

Alone in the light, my eyes can't hardly focus.

Hugging my pillow in my bed feeling hopeless.

I fear the day that when i wake up and don't give a fuck about anything,

and lately I've been sensing i no longer care with all the shit I'm in.

I'm so mad i can't even think straight,

Every goddamn time is wasted.

I wanna look in the mirror and punch myself,

and just feeling my blood dripping through my knuckles.

Curiosity kicks in again i'm screwed,

Can't help myself, i'm easy to pursed,

Tolerating this life i don't care if i'm ruined,

Committing a sin and not sorry for doing this.

~ i always don't know what i'm doing but this time i choose to do what is wrong and just be done with it. i'm so mad at myself but all i can do is to cry. I don't want to ruin my life but i just want to let this stress out of my system. Mama is gone and i'm out here wasting my life drinking and all this bad habits, i know she'll be so mad at me, i just wish i'd be able to hear her scream my name at least. i hate what's happening with me, i killed the old me and i'm regretting everything that I've done lately. i feel so lost and i hope someday someone would find me cause if no one did, i'll be stuck being lost forever.

Him again..

The bus stopped at your home town,

Wondering if you’re around.

I’m alone in a seat for two

And all I want is to see you.

Hoping that you decided to travel today,

Seat beside me and I’ll feel okay.

Cause I hate that I miss you so bad,

You make me feel like this again and it sucks real hard.

Seeing the streets that you grew up with,

Wanting to see more, shall I go down and cancel my trip?

This place is never familiar to me,

But just when I close my eyes and imagining you standing there I already feel happy.

Now the bus is leaving,

All the thoughts of seeing you is slowly fading.

Destiny has spoken, I’ll see you soon but maybe not in this place,

Never is a right time but I don’t care I just want to see your face.

There was never an us but I’d like the thought of it,

Rather pause reality and start daydreaming.

At least there I can say I love you everyday

And that you feel the same so I’d prefer not to stay awake.

You pull me closer to your arms,

Kiss my forehead and I feel warmed,

Nights are endless and it was calm,

Emotionally stable for a long time.

Nothing makes any sense,

I just need you by my side and feel your presence.

Simple things you do can turn my world upside down,

Your breath stables my heart every beat makes me not to frown.

-          ~Ugh, WHY. I suddenly miss that jerk, who’s so in love with himself, only do is to make girls fall for him then play around and eventually leaves, a guy that has good manners around my parents but still managed to hurt me behind their back, who gives sweet good morning and good night messages to god knows how many girls, a man that I once love even if he has that many flaws out in the open, the gentleman behind those smirks, and those bear hugs he made while we were staring at the stars late at night. Looking back at those memories, how we met the first time, the “kilig” moments, how he held my hand and hugs me, those heartbreaking news, the wasted epic drunk nights, those crying days, the acceptance and lastly the move on slash ready to meet another guys. I feel lucky to even be loved and to love by a guy like him, now he’s just a flash back and I’m glad things didn’t work out.