Him again..

The bus stopped at your home town,

Wondering if you’re around.

I’m alone in a seat for two

And all I want is to see you.

Hoping that you decided to travel today,

Seat beside me and I’ll feel okay.

Cause I hate that I miss you so bad,

You make me feel like this again and it sucks real hard.

Seeing the streets that you grew up with,

Wanting to see more, shall I go down and cancel my trip?

This place is never familiar to me,

But just when I close my eyes and imagining you standing there I already feel happy.

Now the bus is leaving,

All the thoughts of seeing you is slowly fading.

Destiny has spoken, I’ll see you soon but maybe not in this place,

Never is a right time but I don’t care I just want to see your face.

There was never an us but I’d like the thought of it,

Rather pause reality and start daydreaming.

At least there I can say I love you everyday

And that you feel the same so I’d prefer not to stay awake.

You pull me closer to your arms,

Kiss my forehead and I feel warmed,

Nights are endless and it was calm,

Emotionally stable for a long time.

Nothing makes any sense,

I just need you by my side and feel your presence.

Simple things you do can turn my world upside down,

Your breath stables my heart every beat makes me not to frown.

-          ~Ugh, WHY. I suddenly miss that jerk, who’s so in love with himself, only do is to make girls fall for him then play around and eventually leaves, a guy that has good manners around my parents but still managed to hurt me behind their back, who gives sweet good morning and good night messages to god knows how many girls, a man that I once love even if he has that many flaws out in the open, the gentleman behind those smirks, and those bear hugs he made while we were staring at the stars late at night. Looking back at those memories, how we met the first time, the “kilig” moments, how he held my hand and hugs me, those heartbreaking news, the wasted epic drunk nights, those crying days, the acceptance and lastly the move on slash ready to meet another guys. I feel lucky to even be loved and to love by a guy like him, now he’s just a flash back and I’m glad things didn’t work out.

Insomnia ???

I'm really tired but I just can't sleep,
closing my eyes listening to my heart beat,
crickets are loud covering my ears,
my feet are getting cold so I look for my sheets.

The room is so dark wondering if the sun has already rise,
but I look at the clock (4am) and say its too early to go outside,
everyone's at rest dreaming about things,
while I lay in my bed staring at nothing.

Hugging my pillow thinking of you,
then I toss it at the corner because it makes me more blue,
counting the memories we had in my mind,
remembering the best ones and I keep those inside.

Pondering about if it's worth to live,
then I remember that my family is over here.
I'm about to let go and cry again,
but too weak to even do it so I'll just stay awake instead.

Turning around finding my spot,
feels like space is too small throwing it all out,
constantly lookin' at my phone checking the time,
after hours of idling at last I rested my eyes.


*But I don't think that this is what they call insomnia (cause I have this friend who has one and he literally didn't slept for days, I on the other hand slept at 6am that day). I just thought that writing this poem will make my 'insomnia night' more productive. I know someone out there experiences worse problems than I do, but I just don't know 'how' to handle having this things. Maybe I just wanted someone to talk to even late at night (yeah damn it, I was also thinking of him). But in the end I was able to sleep soo, everything is still 'alright'.

for Ninja.

One coffee can’t suffice you for a day,

Books distract you even miles away,

You sing at the radio and dance to its beat,

Make fun with the people we see on the street.

 Sadness is obscure, your joy is always flashed,

Fond of finding something that’ll make you laugh,

My hand is your safe place so you prefer to hold on,

Hug me real tight never leave me alone.

It’s hard to concentrate at something when you’re at my side,

I’d rather look at you and listen as you tell stories of your life,

You love stars as much as I do,

And that makes me like you more than I use to.

I plan everything just to make things perfect,

But you always like getting me distracted,

You only live once so you make the most of life,

“Carpe Diem, Come what may” you always say those cheesy lines.

We may not be compatible 100%,

But in the end “there’s always a possibility”

 as do everything that may happen in this bizarre planet.

*You're very special to me, I just hope that you know that. You brought happiness to my already-happy-life, sometimes I think that 'why am I this lucky' but I just ended up smiling and say 'nah, why do you even ask those things to yourself'. You make me feel those butterflies in my tummy, laugh by just looking at your confused face and just smile. Thank you for coming to my life.

NO: I'm not fine

I prefer to shut up even if all I wanted is to shout,

Sometimes things are better not to let it out,

I'm hurt but I yearn for everyone to see me happy,

It’s cliché to say but yes inside I'm dying.

Hoping is overrated; also love and forever,

Though it’s not too bad to expect for things to get better,

Memories are supposed to be kept and cherish,

But its hard if all those times will bring back the ache just by reminiscing.

Anger and sadness are often satisfying,

But I promise myself this will all me momentarily,

Things are bound to happen mostly good and occasionally bad,

Yet that makes life an adventure you never know what will make you WRECKED </3

Everything makes me remember the things we use to do,

But I'm still in the stage of not ready to lose the little things that reminds me of you,

Friendship was never a solution for this problem and I'm not sure there even is,

I just want to forget for a second this pain I feel.

Thinking that of all the people why do you have to choose me,

I'm a happy-go-lucky person but you make me question MY IDENTITY

Trying to understand,

trying to accept

Failing to comprehend,

feeling depressed.

Maybe 3 weeks isn’t enough, to call this something to fight for,

But my 3 days with you is one of the best memories that I want to go through.

I except too much in return I got hurt so badly,

Hard to make things as the way I planned at the beginning.

Playing sad songs that now I can relate too perfectly,

Crying through my pillow to prevent people from listening.

Photos reminds me how happy we used to be

Now I'm looking at it asking what’s wrong with me,

You made me strong, happy, blessed and lucky

At the same time down, broken, weak, and gloomy.

Things are over but for me still it’s not,

Waiting for you to text me hoping you’ll be back,

Your silence is killing me torturing me inside,

I want to know if you still think about me and remember that you once call me “MINE”

But after those it’ll all be in the past,

A bad memory that’ll make me laugh,

I'm just really thankful that I have my friends,

That help me get through this hell of a weekend.

*Wrote this poem for you, I hope that someday you'd be able to read this. Sorry for not telling you what I really feel, It's just hard for me to conceptualize the words to say 'that night' when we we're talking about us. My only regret was not able to say 'I love you', it seems too early to say it, but that's what I feel (or felt). Hope this won't ruin our friendship (nevertheless turn this friendship into something more *again). You've changed my life, don't worry cause it's a good thing. I still don't want this to end (or do I, IDK), I want to talk to you again, and this time I will promise you that I will tell you everything now. Please come back and talk things out...