S.Q.U.A.D.

They say friends will never leave you by your side,
Comfort you when you’re down and make you smile.
But what if one day they decided to leave,
Got tired of you and forget the whole thing.
It’s much more hurtful than a man, who broke a woman’s heart,
Sadder than a tragic movie and depressing as the funeral.

Pictures that was treasured will be deleted and be thrown,
Memories fading and stories are stopped being told.
Smiles are gone, my mind is disturbed
The tears are falling, feeling broken and hurt.
Never felt so alone, I’m missing my friend
The one by my side that helps till the end,

But those are just what ifs; I know this friendship will stay
Forever is not enough to explain what we’ve made.
Holding on with each other a problem can tear us apart,
Gonna keep it together, this journey is endless and every day is the best part.

 

~ wrote this poem the day na Eloise and Carlota leaved our group chat and stop talking to us. Ang sakit lang sa pakiramdam na bigla nalang sila umalis, not knowing the whole reason tapos di pa kami kausapin about it. Mas masakit pa mawalan ng friend amongst others kaya lahat kami na Boracay girls umiyak dahil dun, maybe they are jealous sa mga pinag popost namin sa Facebook na ‘squad goals’, I know naman na masakit din na ipakita na masaya kami even tho di kami complete pero the sole purpose of me posting those pictures are to make sure na ‘OKAY kami’ and that we don’t even need the approval of our department head about not choosing the hotel that he suggested, pero of course di naman lahat ng tao ganun mag isip so inintindi ko nalang sila, but that time is was so pissed na sinabi kong “so anong susunod, I unfriend mo din kami sa Facebook?!”, I was mad and sometimes (mostly even) I don’t even know what I’m saying if I’m mad. I don’t mean what I said pero I just needed to say those words, luckily nagakayos na din kami and it’s like nothing ever happened. I also told the 2 about my Boracay experience and sa wakas may nakaintindi din sakin, sinabi ko naman na kila Erna, Mariz, Karen and Rochelle about what happened pero sila Carlota (which has a baby na) and Eloise (which has a horny boyfriend) lang ang talagang makakaintindi sakin ng lubusan and it gave me so much relief nung sinabi ko na yun. I’m lucky I have them, they are the best, I will always treasure them at never will I question their friendship between me ever again.

3/30/16

A Day of Beauty

Feeling confident and free,
the sun is shining over me,
my luck is on it's way,
I'm having a good day.

The butterflies are on my side,
emotions color me inside,
stars light up the sky,
Days keeps getting better every time.

Feeling delightful with life,
everyone cheers me; Alright!
I'm very happy today,
hoping this will never fade.

Glad to be appreciated it gives me ego,
boasting what I have, feeling like a hero,
my smile is presented it adores the world,
every mortal stare they are lost for words.

The scent of flowers are on my hair,
bees are flying everywhere,
don't want this attention to disappear,
therefore I require myself to look like this every year.



*Make up really makes a girl feel extraordinary. We should never judge one person just because of the things we see on the outside. Make up helps us express our feelings and that is not something to be ashamed or bothered off. I don't really use make up but lately I've been wearing one (part of me thinks that 'I should look good so that he'll feel regret that he left me). On our college, this is the time of year that we'll take pictures for our yearbook and yesterday, I just finished having the pictorial for our creative shot (my costume was an Indian one). It was fun, posing and all, maybe it's not so bad that our face may look like a clown, at least you'll be able to entertain the people around you and feel good about yourself as well.

Present People

Nowadays, it's all about the bling's and flings.

no one really care about you really feel,

and through the day, you can't seem to find,

the real reason for your laugh and smile.

What's happening to the people today?

they crave for more lux and endure less pain,

and what a funny thing to say that you're "FINE" while your not

so even for yourself you tell stupid lies.

We now smile to mock our foes

and backstab our friends for no reason suppose,

"Forever and Sorry" are now words without meaning

we know our ways, but where are we really heading?

All of us are such hypocrite,

this is the new way of life and people just go with it,

feeling betray us so  we pretend to be numb,

but the truth is "What are we afraid from?"

*I just lost my phone(I'm not even sure if I misplace it or someone took it from my bag when I was bar hopping with friends). That was my phone of almost 2 years now and it hurts to accept the fact that it's gone. It's funny how easy it is to replace things (such as phones) with new ones, but for me the reason why it's hard to let it go it's because of the memories that came out with that phone and I hate myself for being so sentimental with such thing. I'm one of those 'Present People' I'm referring to, I know most of us are. I just hope that these things will not ruin how great life is for us all.

Insomnia ???

I'm really tired but I just can't sleep,
closing my eyes listening to my heart beat,
crickets are loud covering my ears,
my feet are getting cold so I look for my sheets.

The room is so dark wondering if the sun has already rise,
but I look at the clock (4am) and say its too early to go outside,
everyone's at rest dreaming about things,
while I lay in my bed staring at nothing.

Hugging my pillow thinking of you,
then I toss it at the corner because it makes me more blue,
counting the memories we had in my mind,
remembering the best ones and I keep those inside.

Pondering about if it's worth to live,
then I remember that my family is over here.
I'm about to let go and cry again,
but too weak to even do it so I'll just stay awake instead.

Turning around finding my spot,
feels like space is too small throwing it all out,
constantly lookin' at my phone checking the time,
after hours of idling at last I rested my eyes.


*But I don't think that this is what they call insomnia (cause I have this friend who has one and he literally didn't slept for days, I on the other hand slept at 6am that day). I just thought that writing this poem will make my 'insomnia night' more productive. I know someone out there experiences worse problems than I do, but I just don't know 'how' to handle having this things. Maybe I just wanted someone to talk to even late at night (yeah damn it, I was also thinking of him). But in the end I was able to sleep soo, everything is still 'alright'.

h.a.p.p.y.

Taking a big step in life,
experiencing how it is to survive,
meeting new people along the way,
looking forward in doing this everyday.

Have you ever imagine what it would be like?
"The Future" sounds terrifying but we'll be alright,
seize the day, keep the faith,
hold your head up high, stand up straight.

Time to face tomorrow's adventure,
through it'll be hard with all this stress and pressure,
surround yourself with happiness,
life is beautiful so smile with confidence.

Spread the joy, laugh out loud,
the sound of it takes away a frown,
appreciate what you have,
guide others who are in need of help.

Travel a lot, explore the world,
discover new things, share what you've heard,
love what you're doing and you'll be okay,
be thankful for GOD and always pray.


*1 semester to go till I graduate. I'm excited and afraid at the same time, I already imagine a lot of things that might happen, but one can never be sure of the future. My perspective in life is very clear and certain. I already plan my life for the next 5 years, some say that you will not enjoy your life if you always plan everything, in my defense I don't plan everything. I wrote this poem because I'm positive that my life after college would be AMAZING and let's not be too pessimistic about things, okay :)

PECULIARITIES

So a new world arises here we attain freedom,
never have to choose from anything sadness is optional,
the sun is your friend along with the beach,
take away all your worries, feel the sand on your feet.

Slide across the rainbow tumble down and smile,
imagine every state is a poodle, hop around a while,
dance with the clouds while the star sing along,
meet different kinds of people and you'll feel belong.

Feeling the wind in my face,
wanna fly like a ninja to an unknown place,
will walk over the water, spreading arms for the rain,
jumping through the mountains, forgetting all of my pain.

Take some risk for today,
grab every opportunity that comes in your way,
create possibilities, live out your life,
color your weakness with a bright light.

Explore the wonders of the universe,
listen to it's sound, understand those little creatures,
howl with the wolf, roar like a bear,
don't let anyone judge you, never be scared.

Follow your instincts, mind your heart,
let your feet lead the way, just walk the path,
at the end of the road you'll feel relief,
that you take that journey without any guilt.


*There are so many things in this world that even the most intelligent man couldn't even answer, which makes life so wonderful. Nobody's perfect and indeed there ain't. I'm this girl that 'sometimes' feels sad (which is normal because we do have feelings) and most of the times 'happy' and when I do, I just can't stop appreciating every-single-bit-of -things around me and with that I share my happiness through my friends and my every loving grandmother. Let us not neglect ourselves for being happy even if there's no reason, just SMILE that's the best gift you can ever give to yourself.

for Ninja.

One coffee can’t suffice you for a day,

Books distract you even miles away,

You sing at the radio and dance to its beat,

Make fun with the people we see on the street.

 Sadness is obscure, your joy is always flashed,

Fond of finding something that’ll make you laugh,

My hand is your safe place so you prefer to hold on,

Hug me real tight never leave me alone.

It’s hard to concentrate at something when you’re at my side,

I’d rather look at you and listen as you tell stories of your life,

You love stars as much as I do,

And that makes me like you more than I use to.

I plan everything just to make things perfect,

But you always like getting me distracted,

You only live once so you make the most of life,

“Carpe Diem, Come what may” you always say those cheesy lines.

We may not be compatible 100%,

But in the end “there’s always a possibility”

 as do everything that may happen in this bizarre planet.

*You're very special to me, I just hope that you know that. You brought happiness to my already-happy-life, sometimes I think that 'why am I this lucky' but I just ended up smiling and say 'nah, why do you even ask those things to yourself'. You make me feel those butterflies in my tummy, laugh by just looking at your confused face and just smile. Thank you for coming to my life.

NO: I'm not fine

I prefer to shut up even if all I wanted is to shout,

Sometimes things are better not to let it out,

I'm hurt but I yearn for everyone to see me happy,

It’s cliché to say but yes inside I'm dying.

Hoping is overrated; also love and forever,

Though it’s not too bad to expect for things to get better,

Memories are supposed to be kept and cherish,

But its hard if all those times will bring back the ache just by reminiscing.

Anger and sadness are often satisfying,

But I promise myself this will all me momentarily,

Things are bound to happen mostly good and occasionally bad,

Yet that makes life an adventure you never know what will make you WRECKED </3

Everything makes me remember the things we use to do,

But I'm still in the stage of not ready to lose the little things that reminds me of you,

Friendship was never a solution for this problem and I'm not sure there even is,

I just want to forget for a second this pain I feel.

Thinking that of all the people why do you have to choose me,

I'm a happy-go-lucky person but you make me question MY IDENTITY

Trying to understand,

trying to accept

Failing to comprehend,

feeling depressed.

Maybe 3 weeks isn’t enough, to call this something to fight for,

But my 3 days with you is one of the best memories that I want to go through.

I except too much in return I got hurt so badly,

Hard to make things as the way I planned at the beginning.

Playing sad songs that now I can relate too perfectly,

Crying through my pillow to prevent people from listening.

Photos reminds me how happy we used to be

Now I'm looking at it asking what’s wrong with me,

You made me strong, happy, blessed and lucky

At the same time down, broken, weak, and gloomy.

Things are over but for me still it’s not,

Waiting for you to text me hoping you’ll be back,

Your silence is killing me torturing me inside,

I want to know if you still think about me and remember that you once call me “MINE”

But after those it’ll all be in the past,

A bad memory that’ll make me laugh,

I'm just really thankful that I have my friends,

That help me get through this hell of a weekend.

*Wrote this poem for you, I hope that someday you'd be able to read this. Sorry for not telling you what I really feel, It's just hard for me to conceptualize the words to say 'that night' when we we're talking about us. My only regret was not able to say 'I love you', it seems too early to say it, but that's what I feel (or felt). Hope this won't ruin our friendship (nevertheless turn this friendship into something more *again). You've changed my life, don't worry cause it's a good thing. I still don't want this to end (or do I, IDK), I want to talk to you again, and this time I will promise you that I will tell you everything now. Please come back and talk things out...